Guilty, yeah I am!
Life as an adult I hate!
Will I never fly?
I seem to think in haiku meter now. 5 7 5! It is true though, I hate the adult life I have. It is lonely and almost feels without purpose outside of just being alive. As a kid I wanted to make the world a better place, I wanted more kindness, more cooperation. As an adult I see the futility in trying to make this a reality, there is so much of the world I can’t control. Frustrated at my own ineptness I explode, and then people run away, not wanting to be around me, I am more lonely – tis a fictious cycle. I do feel like somehow my wings are clipped, or like the weight of this world is so heavy I can’t take flight.
Some will say is it a more peaceful world than it was 100 years ago, maybe. I don’t think so. I rather think it is about as violent as it ever has been, kind of a steady violence. But I spend a lot of time reading old newspapers, and am a historian of sorts. There are some things that seem better from back then.
What I feel I need, that I don’t seem to have, is that sence of community, of a place where I truly belong. There is the session that happens about once a week – lots of music and yes good friends and there I feel more or less comfortable being me. But the rest of the week, I feel lonely. I never felt this way as a kid, I always belonged wherever I was, it was assumed by me. It is only as an adult I sence the lack, the “people don’t want me around” so I stay away and wait for people to contact me. Rarely do they, and so I spend a lot of time alone. I hate that, I want to be around people, I want to have conversations, to be in a community atmosphere. So:
- What is community?
- When is community good?
- When is community bad?
- How can we all make community better?
- and help all people, young and old, male and female, straight, gay, transgender, whatever, fly. How do we become the wind beneath their wings??
Moira Levant © May 24 2018